August 15, 2005
Expanding the herd
In case you hadn't heard already, Diana, my wife, is pregnant! She's already almost 6 months, so the due date is late November. We're both totally excited, although it's pretty weird to imagine some person looking at me and thinking "dad". The ride thusfar has been pretty crazy. Some good moments, lots of not-so-good moments. I won't bore anyone with the gory details... but I'll post more thoughts on this later.
Diana and I tend to think of ourselves as a herd, which makes sense if you realize that we have 3 cats. So, when you think about it, we're really just evening up the teams - 3 cats, 3 people.
I really look forward to watching what our cats do with the kid. They are pretty skittish most of the time, so I think it'll be good for a ton of laughs.
It's kinda suprising how little info there is for fathers-to-be. There are tons and tons of books on pregnancy, pre-labor, labor, birth, breast-feeding etc., but there are almost no books on what I should be thinking about as a father. At first, I thought this kinda sucked. But, I've also read several of the books targetted to mothers... and most of them are full of what seems either complete bs or stuff so simple I'm amazed they paid for the ink to print it. Of course, there are some good nuggets here and there, but I've read a couple of the Dr. Sears books - we now own the whole set - and most of it is just goofy.
Oh well. I guess this is what people mean when they say there's no book for this stuff. (I wonder if there are blogs for fathers-to-be. Know any?)
Posted by dave at August 15, 2005 09:49 PM | TrackBackOff hand, here's a few bits of father-to-be advice I would give:
Remember that whatever emotions you are feeling are amplified about 100 times for your wife. Hormones are powerful stuff. Be sensitive, understanding, and forgiving.
In terms of preparing for the birth, your primary job is to make sure that it's a good experience for your wife, whatever that means for her (figure this out!). The closer it gets, the less energy she will have and it will be your job to be the assertive one towards family and medical providers.
After the birth, help out! If you're not sure what to do, just do something. Take the baby for a walk. Make dinner. Clean the house. Besides giving your wife a break, this will also help you figure out what it means to be a father.
Have fun!
Posted by: Kevin Scaldeferri at August 15, 2005 11:11 PMFirst off, Congrats!
Second off, intentional or not, Jeff has some pictures of wisdom regarding child rearing that I whole-heartedly agree with.
Third, what Kevin said.
Posted by: jr at August 16, 2005 08:18 PMD'oh, link got stripped:
http://boulter.com/blog/2005/08/16/advice-to-parents-to-be-from-a-non-parent/
Posted by: jr at August 16, 2005 08:19 PMSpeaking of herds reminds me of this: When Diana was about 2-2 1/2 years old, she was grappling with the concept that creatures came in two sexes: man/woman; stallion/mare; bull/cow, etc. While she was pondering this, we went to visit my parents in Albany, NY. One night, as we gathered around a table in an upscale restaurant, Diana stared at each person intently. Finally, in that voice that, even in her pre-moot-court days, carried across a room, she asked, "Grandpa, are you the bull?" The laughter that burst around her baffled and hurt her. She looked so confused. My dad leaned across the table and taking both her hands in his, looked her in the eyes and said, "Yes, Diana I am the bull." She smiled in relief.
Posted by: Barb at August 17, 2005 10:06 AMCongrats to you and your wife!
1. It gets better.
2. Babies cry. A lot. The only thing you can do is hold and love them. It gets better.
Being a dad is frustrating sometimes because usually mom has what they want, but your role is crucial to the baby (and mom).
I didn't do a lot of studying before my baby arrived and I feel like I picked it up pretty quick. Diapers are a snap and don't stink too badly for a while. Generally, babies don't do much for a while, so you have some ramp up time to figure out things.
Yeah, It does get better. Keep reminding yourself of that. The little buggers are a lot of fun and joy even if they are pushing you towards the limit of physical and emotional bounds.
paul.
Congratulations!
"the happiest baby on the block" is a book that has some good pointers that sound ridiculous but actually work - this coming from father of an incredibly colicy baby. http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0553381466/qid=1124810438/sr=8-1/ref=pd_bbs_1/102-8903896-0372936?v=glance&s=books&n=507846
sometimes it helps to swaddle that baby tight!
the mom is right and you're wrong for at least the first two months. be extremely sensitive to the postpartum hormone raging brand new mom.
you won't be sleeping for at least 3 months.
lactation consultant is your best friend in the recovery room.
being a father is the best thing ever. enjoy.
Posted by: Fred at August 23, 2005 08:26 AM